Sunday, 13 September 2009

Apples and other fruit

First, I must apologise to my readers. It has been over a week now since I last published, and there is a good reason for this. Gradually over the past week, a flu-type virus got a hold of me. Thankfully I didn't start making oink noises, so I reckon it wasn't the dreaded swine version. My flat-mate and best friend Pauline would say it was just man-flu! I reckon it's the changeable weather from horrible cold and wet weather to sudden clear blue skies and mid-twenties temperatures. No such changes for Pauline over the past week though; she has just returned from an incredible adventure canoeing down the Zambesi river . . . as you do!

Scorchio all day apparently, as they paddled down crocodile and hippo infested waters! There was apparently one crocodile for every ten square metres of river! You see, you just don't get that sort of risk in Portobello seaside.

So, that's why I've been absent from my writings. All well now though, so much so I'm about to head out on a mountain bike run through the local hills.

Back to todays blog though. Followers of my blog will have read previously that I am big on good service, and the epitome of this for me is Browns restaurant in George Street, Edinburgh. That said I find myself today singing the praises of the giant computer manufacturer Apple.

A good number of years ago I would find myself constantly tearing my hair out and shouting expletives at the CRT screen connected to my PC, as it failed on numerous occasions to do the simplest of things. Occasionally it would deny existence of the printer, despite it being located right beside the screen! OK, so if I'd actually remembered to switch it on it may have helped, but why didn't it say that instead of saying there was no printer?! And it loved to crash, just as you were getting to the end of a lengthy piece of writing that you just knew you could never repeat in such a witty manner. It would suddenly disappear. Gone forever. Aaaaargh! Many a time I fantasised about launching it out of the first floor window.

A friend of mine had been a fan and prolific user of Apple MacIntosh for many years, and he always had one reply when I would moan about the misgivings of my PC and Microsoft; "I know the solution" he would say. "Buy a Mac!" And so I did.

Almost four years ago now I took delivery of not just any Mac, but a Quad G5 no less, reputedly at the time the fastest machine in the world. I was a very proud owner, admiring its sleek aluminium finish. But hang on, wasn't it supposed to have a CD/DVD drive/recorder? I hunted everywhere but could see no drawer or button release anywhere. Frustrated, and in Victor Meldrew style, I immediately got on the phone to Apple. There was a moment of silence after I had finished my rant which gave me that terrible sinking feeling that I was about to be humiliated, and that my story would be passed around for years to come. "You've never owned a Mac before have you?" said the very helpful Irishman on the other end of the phone. I hesitated, and closed my eyes slowly as I answered in a deliberate fashion, no. I was guided toward the top left button on the keyboard which had the symbol for eject printed on it. I hesitated, hoping the man was wrong, and then pressed it. Immediately a thin sliver of aluminium on the front of the tower slid down out of sight and a CD/DVD tray elegantly slid out.

But my main point is to say that not only does Apple provide a customer service that I cannot fault, no matter how hard I try, but its products are designed and built with the customer as the priority. I too am a prolific Apple Mac user now, having not just the G5 but also a MacBook laptop and the latest iPhone.

Let's look at the iPhone for a moment, as a great example of a brilliant piece of design. The other day I needed the telephone number of a company. I opened the iPhone's internet browser, Safari, and searched on Google. Within a few seconds the search produced results (I should also say here that the iPhone displays actual internet pages, not the cut-down versions on most phones). Then I enlarged the view and found the number. I was about to write it down when I thought I'd highlight it and copy and paste it into a note. However, somehow the iPhone recognised it as a telephone number (it wasn't on the site as a link, just part of the text), and transfered automatically to the phone keypad and dialed the number! Then when I was finished it gave me the option to store it as a contact! The designers just knew what the user may want.

One other piece of praise for Apple Mac, this time my laptop. You may think that a power cord connection to recharge the battery is not worthy of much thought in terms of design, but here again Apple thought it out. Consider your laptop sitting on the coffee table, plugged into the mains to charge. Someone walks past, doesn't see the cable, catches it on their leg and before you know it your laptop has been dragged off and has hit the deck with disastrous results. Not a problem with the MacBook. The connection to the computer is magnetic! It simply pops out if tugged. Brilliant! Oh, and should it fall of the coffee table it has a motion fall sensor and it detects when someone has dropped it and instantly locks the hard drive to protect it!

For me customer service goes beyond just the human interaction between you and the seller. It also applies in the product or service (see my rant on Scotrail).

Which brings me to "other fruit".

The other day I found myself in the unfortunate position of shopping for some veggies and fruit in a local supermarket called Asda, part of the global giant Wallmart. I find all supermarkets depressing places, containing vast amounts of people all miserable and hating every minute of spending their hard earned cash. These giant supermarkets, soulless places, and are not interested in you as a person. In fact when you go through the checkout the operators have now been trained to greet you with a smile and ask how you are, an interaction usually only found in your local store, but somehow meaning nothing in the supermarket as it is a programmed response. But, unlike in your local store where you would happily exchange pleasantries, you're in such a foul mood and desperate to escape this purgatory you rarely answer back in a pleasant way. Or is that just me?

But the supermarket have found yet another way now to raise our frustrations. The self-checkout machine! This abomination sits there, tempting you that by doing the supermarket's job for them you will somehow save time. If you've ever used one os these hideous machines you will know this to be a lie. And like the operator this damn thing talks to you! I avoid them at all costs now, not just for the reasons stated here, but also in my opinion it is doing away with a job for someone.

So, I put my basket on the designated area and duly start to scan my items. Of course the expected happens occasionally in that certain barcodes refuse to scan, after it's taken you several attempts to find the damn thing on the package. Then you must put the item in the "bagging area", presumably because it can detect the overall weight and compare it to your original basket load and make sure you don't steal anything.

But I take my own hesian bags to avoid using plastic, and it doesn't like this. I enjoy the moment of pleasure to annoy this machine occasionally. So, I'm finished scanning, and meanwhile the people using the normal checkout with several trollies containing a months supplies have all been through, paid and left several hours since, when the machine informs me "unexpected item in bagging area". What? I have no idea what this could be. Help needs to be sought. More delay. Then I am ready to pay, and press the appropriate button. Now, I don't know about you but I know my choice is to use cash or use a card. Just to make sure though the machine tells me to "insert cash or select payment card". I'm already on the case and just sorting out some coins when three seconds later the machine says "insert cash or select payment card". YES, I KNOW!!! I now have the requested cash ready, and I'm about to insert it when the machine says "insert cash or select payment card".

Aaaaargh!! It is at this point that I start shouting out loud at the machine, much to the amusement of everyone around me. And then, just in case after paying for my groceries I might decide to abandon them and leave the store empty handed the machine tells me "please remove items from the bagging area. Thank you for shopping at Asda".

I don't answer.

Asda Walmart shouldn't just be selling fruit, they should be talking to Apple!

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